I’ll be leaving Schrodinger’s box for the time being as my pulmonologist from the Mayo Clinic called with my pleural biopsy result. Nonspecific inflammation, by his verbal report. There was no mention of a predominance of fibrosis, which would have been more concerning for cryptogenic fibrosing pleuritis. That was my primary fear, other than mesothelioma, which was always unlikely. I am left with a chronic, bilateral, moderately symptomatic pleuritis that takes the edge off my athletic prowess:–a small burden to be sure, relative to the alternatives.
I’ll remain in a mild state of superposition over the course of this next year, as are we all. If my condition does demonstrate progression, then I am sure I’ll be right back to gulping down similar bowls of pity porridge that I’ve been so fond of lately. I am thankful. Praise be, and blessed be the fruit. I started going to church again. I will change some things. I will be a better doctor after than I was before, and in general, a better person.
I was convinced it was so much more significant than it now seems to be, the first day I felt the hand in my chest and heard the rub. This is it. It’s come back, I thought, but this time there’s no cutting it out. It got better a few days after starting the aspirin, then it stayed the same for a month, and has now gotten better these past two days. What are the possibilities?
One: it was going to get better anyway, no matter what I did.
Two: it is responding to the anti-inflammatory medications and/or the anti-inflammatory diet I’ve been on this past week.
Three: God has intervened as I believe he has before in my life.
Four: I am crazy.
Of the four, I’d have to discount the first and the last:–the first, because the pleural calcifications suggested a chronic process over a period of at least months, and this episode an exacerbation; and the last, because the radiographic findings were definitely real, but I would not protest too much were one to suggest my response to all of the above to be if not crazy, at least atypical.
This has been like God knocking on my door. I have heard the knock before, but this time I heard it more, and I wanted to capture my thinking in real time, like a time-lapse photography of images demonstrating movement from one position to another. Of course, the chronicling of the movement from life to death would be much more impactful were there an actual death. That would sell a lot of books.
So, I didn’t die, yet; however, I hope that any who stumbled upon this and chose to follow along might possibly not take their own life so much for granted as perhaps they did before because the most important thing, although one must acknowledge those necessities of living for tomorrow, is to live for today, because that is where life happens.
God’s Blessings to All and Merry Christmas. Enjoy your box. This Crazy Cat is signing off for now.